Friday Funny

Kudelka is on to something here.  The Monk may be digging a hole for himself unless he can find a new mantra that suits the current (changed) public mood.

…and The Lord spake unto Tony and said “Take with you two of everything, except slogans, of which you will be needing just the one.”

How to be right and oh so wrong

While Barney Joyce and his sidekick the Mad Monk were predictably the first to try and exploit the devastation from the Qld floods, I was surprised to see Bob Brown having a go yesterday:

Coal miners to blame for Queensland floods, says Australian Greens leader Bob Brown

He might be right, but his timing is all wrong - a dumb move that will cost the Greens in Qld

UPDATE:  I have removed the link to the Murdoch story to deny them the few extra click-throughs they might get.  Instead check-out Pure Poison's analysis of the story.

I still reckon that Brown should have stayed quiet for a few more days (except for expressions of grief and support).  It strikes me that the floods will either finally get Queenslanders really wanting action on global warming or it will get them blaming the Greens and the environmental movement for the whole disaster. 

He needs to play it VERY carefully as the politics of this are quite delicate - which of course is why Martin Ferguson released this spray in response (a Murdoch link I'm afraid)

Of floods and politics

I started drafting this post days ago but just couldn't bring myself to blog about the politics of the Queensland floods while the disaster was unfolding.

Thankfully, politics have largely been left out of the media during the height of the disaster.  But now that the danger appears over a few observations hopefully won't offend:

• Tony Abbott and John-Paul Whatishisname must have been spitting chips for days - watching Gillard and Bligh getting seemingly endless TV, radio and press coverage (e.g. Bligh's tears this morning will be re-run time and again for days).  They sensibly didn't even try to compete but goddam they would have been fuming.

• While not competing made sense - Abbott staying on holidays throughout was stupid (although not too stupid as it turns out because the MSM left him alone on that one).  Showing up in Briz today (as I just see on the ABC he has) could be equally as stupid - if he gets time on the news tonight, everyone will be reminded that they haven't seen his mug since this started and see him turning up now as cynical politics

• In the same vein, the disaster will be a political boon particularly for Bligh but also for Gillard - look for an early bounce in the polls which I suspect will be more significant that BlueMilk ponders in this piece at Hoyden About Town.  The sad reality is that disasters and starting wars is great politics for an incumbent - if managed well politicians become leaders of a people facing a common 'enemy'.  It's one of the reasons Bush and Howard took us to Iraq and why Howard used (so successfully) the "We will decide who comes to this country and the circumstances in which they come" line (and all those others designed to demonise).  Religious nut-jobs have of course also know this since time immemorial.

• It will be fascinating to watch how the Qld and Federal conservatives try to find political capital out of this.  Certainly Tony Abbott's first two attempts - Let's dam Queensland and (bizarely) Let's stop the building the NBN - both seemed to have backfired or at least fallen flat.  Again, I note that the religious nut-jobs were the first to attempt to make capital

Finally, and nothing to do with politics - I hope the people operating the Wivenhoe Dam get some sort of medal after all of this is over 'cause it strikes me that it was their good management that saved Brisbane from far, far worse.

Of dogs and defrauders and dams

Koala 049
Pic: George Hirst, Magnetic Times

Reading in the Magnetic Times of another koala killing by domestic dogs on the island is a stark and bloody reminder of our apparent inability as a species to live in some sort of harmony with our environment.

Other recent examples include:

• Big Agriculture's arguing that a once in 100 year flood event means that attempts to rescue the Murray should be put on hold - unbelievable!  Read Gary Sauer-Thompson's full post here at Public Opinion

• Tony Abbott and Barney Joyce's response to a whole heap of people who built/brought on a flood plain ending up wet (and to Julia wining the daily news cycle for the past week or more with pics of her hugging damp Queenslanders) - a committee of farmer-MPs (presemably expert in hydrometeorology, surface hydrology and hydrogeology), to compile a list of dam sites! He didn't actually commit to build them but imagine if he did - just before a 1 in 200 year flood event. See also Ruchira Talukdar's response here at The Punch

Sadly, all true stories I'm afraid

The Wanker Medal

When Tony Abbott was first elected leader of the Libs, my initial reaction was that he'd do himself quickly and then flame-out.

Clearly, I was wrong!  Rather, he's evidently going to do himself slowly.

Leunig seems to agree:

The End - We have a Government!

nuff said...

Leunig at his best

'Nuff said

Peter Lindsay's PET program, the longest gestation in history

New Contributor Dee posts:

The Liberals or the LNP have had Peter Lindsay MHR as Canberra's representative in Herbert since 1996; thirteen years consecutively. Now in 2010 as the time for the next federal election comes closer, here is Tony Abbott "promising" that the LNP will deliver a PET scanner "immediately".

The LNP now say "four years is too long to wait" and compare themselves favourably with the ALP's claim that they will deliver a PET scanner in 2014.

This glaring inconsistency will not be missed by any elector in Herbert, so one of the rhetorical questions has to be "how many people do the LNP think they are going to deceive?"

The other hilarious part in all of this is the claim from Tony Mooney's pamphlet that the "Life Saving PET Scanner Delivered for North QLD" - past tense for something "promised" to happen in 2014. Same question about deception applies.

I can hardly wait for the new LNP candidate to promise that the LNP will "flood proof the Bruce Highway" which was always the favourite of Peter Lindsay at every federal election. Never delivered on that one either.

Thanks again Dee and welcome on board.
I too have been noticing the seemingly daily full-page ads in The Bulletin featuring The Monk and his Pet. At $3,500 a pop minimum this strikes me as an 'interesting' tactic this far out and perhaps and indication of how cashed-up the Libs are going into the election - no doubt thanks to the Miners.

Or maybe they're just stupid - spend $3.5 grand a day and not once mention the local candidate's name (what-ever it is) is just plain strange!

It's been a most strange week in conservative politics

Reprinted in full because it says it all really.  By Bushfire Bill in The Political Sword:

I regard myself as a pretty hard nut to crack but I have to admit it... today I'm gobsmacked.

Gobsmacked... that yesterday The Australian could introduce an article by Mirko Bagaric - the man who wrote the book on torture - in defence of the ethics of Tony Abbott's lying (they're only white lies, natch), leaving it to Tony's conscience as to whether a lie is in a good cause. I guess we, the Voters, are just supposed to accept Tony's (and The Australian's) decision on the matter.

Gobsmacked... that Joe Hockey had the temerity to front the Press Club... with no policies, no costings and no idea except to demolish anything and everything Labor has set up in the past couple of years.

Gobsmacked... that the Right thought they could get away with these pathetic excuses for participation in the National Discourse.

This is one of those occasions where I don't know how to begin to criticise the last day's worth of politics. It's not that there's nothing to criticise. It's just... where do I start?

The lies, the convolutions, the deliberate idiocies that Joe Hockey told Kerry O'Brien last night on the 7.30 Report were so monumentally galling as to be beyond rational criticism (given restricted bandwidth... which is another Coalition policy, of course... no NBN).

I can only assume that Joe has been told, 'It'll be fixed up in the morning, mate. Don't worry. Get a good night's sleep Joe.'

That he and Robb can claim that retaining 30% company tax is a saving when the very tax they are claiming to axe - Labor's reduced rate of 28% - is based on a law - the Resource Super Profits Tax - they have sworn not to enact is bad enough, but then to say that if Labor is re-elected they'll block it somehow is too much... what I mean is that if Labor is re-elected, and reduces company tax to 28%. how can getting rid of it be a Coalition government savings measure... because the Coalition won't be in government... See? I'm trying to be rational. It's a character fault I have. You can't be rational with monstrous stupidity such as this. So I won't go on trying. Red Kerry himself gave up after six minutes trying to make sense of it. Greg Jennet this morning on ABC radio told listeners, "It's a bit complicated... but please bear with me...". So perhaps I'm in good company.

Either Joe has been advised the media 'fix' is in, or he's even more stupid than even I dared to believe (and his regard for the Voter is even more cynical than I thought possible). Is politics really bunk? Do they actually expect us to believe this claptrap that passes for sober political policy-making?

Yesterday - all of it - was a monument to absolute political and social buffoonery. What can the Coalition expect us to cope with, now that we've seen the absolute worst they can dish up as rational decision making? For once (many may give thanks) I'm stumped for words.

So it seems was Dennis Shanahan, who, in place of his usual hyperbolic paean of praise for anything the Coalition does, says or implies, managed to stump up with just 333 half-hearted words on yesterday's Press Club fiasco (can I use that word... or is it reserved only for Insulation and the BER?). Michelle Grattan only managed 191 words, although six of them were "Policy vacuum a recipe for political disaster".

According to Dennis, Joe Hockey only "left the impression he didn't turn up at the National Press Club with a detailed list of budget cuts and costings for his budget-in-reply speech yesterday." He had it in his hand, didn't he? One single A4 page wasn't it? He waved it around a bit, right? What more did the hostile media crowd in attendance want? Answers to questions? The cheek!

The silence this morning in the newspapers and on the airwaves is deafening. It's as if the media have collectively sucked in their breath in shock, and no-one wants to be the first to ask 'What the hell happened?' Things are so quiet, even the birds have stopped singing in the trees outside my office window. So why do I still hear those tom-toms beating in my brain? Oooooh... my head hurts.

Does yours?

Full article including links is here

Who would you like to see this headline applied to?

I'd suggest Tony Abbott for starters

Well, I thought it was funny

I've long thought that Malcontent Turnbull was a novice at the game of politics and the Mad Monk similarly so. Both have egos (a necessary prerequisite to even get on the field), but beyond their capabilities. This 'toon from YourDemocracy.net.au seems to sum it up beautifully (I'm not so sure about Pinky playing the Monk tho!):

Getting out while the getting is good?

Just in from Michelle Grattan at The Age:  Liberal powerbroker Nick Minchin to quit politics

Minchin is one of the Lib's best strategists so I can't help but wonder whether he saw the writing on the wall for the Party after Abbott's performance yesterday?

It does however give the Monk the opportunity to shift Barnaby Rabble to a nice and quite portfolio (perhaps one where he can accompany Bronnie Bishop to nursing home morning teas) and it ensures that Minchin is nowhere to be found when the party starts to ask the hard questions about how the Monk got elected leader in the first place

Paid Parental Leave – why Abbott is backing away from his own plan

It seems that Tony Abbott is backing away from his own policy plan on Paid Parental Leave and will not oppose the Government’s scheme when it is introduced into the Senate.

I wonder if this could be why?

From this week’s Essential Report as analysed in some detail by The Possum

Is it Latham resurrected or Turnbull reincarnate?

The Mad Monk can’t seem to decide on the persona that he’s going to run with.

First there was all of the macho “check me out in my speedos” – a bit reminiscent of Mark Latham’s “Macklin is as useful as pockets in your underpants.”

Now today we learn that, in the tradition of MalcontentTurnbull, his party knew nothing (and don’t much like) his (lets shift the focus off of health reform) Maternity Leave Plan - the plan you have when you’re not having a policy.

Mind you, he could be channelling either of them (and Barney-the-rabble Joyce as well) with the whole homophobic "Gays" thing!

Me thinks this is going to be a very long weird year

Could this be (the beginning of) Tony Abbott’s enlightenment?

News today that Tony Abbott went bush with some Traditional Owner elder men in the NT on Tuesday and got “lost for hours” brought to mind previous Aboriginal Affairs Ministers, Gerry Hand and Robert Tickner, both of whom were taken bush by some of the old men in the Territory.

Rumour has it that both were introduced to some secret business.

Both certainly came back later with a very different appreciation of Aboriginal culture and a very much stronger commitment to real justice for the First Australians.

Could this be the end of The Monk talking about things like a “black armband version of history”?  Somehow, I doubt it.

What would the pop star say to the monk?

I wonder what Australia's newest pop star would say to the latest from the mad monk:

"...maybe the only appropriate punishment is death"

And wouldn't it just suit the ex-priest to have a death penalty debate running in the lead-up to the election - just as it suits he to have the press discussing his sexual prowess

The Monk is getting madder

This is just plain weird:

Abbott bemoans lack of sex on campaign

...and stupid - my guess is that he just lost my 85 year old mum's vote

Which Federal Minister is responsible for this?

I wonder which Federal Minister the Mad Monk will accuse of industrial manslaughter over this:

Man dies in Gold Coast workplace accident

And while I'm on the subject - check this excellent piece posted on Values Australia

You won't read this in the Murdoch press

Posted in Fairfax's National Times site by Michael Perusco, Chief Executive of Sacred Heart Mission:

"I was in Canberra last week and had the opportunity to ask Opposition Leader Tony Abbott whether a government under his direction would continue with the Rudd government's goal of halving homelessness by 2020. His answer was no.


In justifying his stance, Abbott quoted from the Gospel of Matthew: ''The poor will always be with us,'' he said and referred to the fact there is little a government can do for people who choose to be homeless..."

"...Abbott's comment about people choosing to be homeless is another old and inaccurate cliche. It is a convenient myth that continues to be perpetuated by those who wish to avoid taking appropriate action to reduce homelessness..."

Read Perusco's full article here

Is the Monk getting madder?

Tony, the women’s friend, Abbott’s announcement of a “policy” to institute Hospital Boards in Queensland and NSW was no doubt timed to take media attention away from their slow realisation that if anyone was responsible for insulation related deaths, it was the employers of the workers who were killed.

I wonder how long it will take the media to see how similarly ridiculous this statement is, let alone to ask why just QLD and NSW? Could it be because these are the two Labor States that won’t be going to an election this year? (think about it).

As if community controlled Hospital Boards (read, handpicked by the ruling party) can have any effect on hospital funding or nurse or doctor training?

Of course, the doctor’s union (read, AMA) will come out in support of such a move as it would no doubt give them even greater control over a system which already makes them rich.

As a former nurse, the last thing I’d want to see is for Doctors to have any greater control over the health system. Be afraid, be very afraid.