Is this worthy of the Front Page? Actually, is this a story at all?

So let me get this right...

A punter calls the Townsville Bulletin to complain that her daughter is going to get kicked out of school because she wears a few studs to hide scaring on her ear.

Realising there's no chance of a classifieds sale here, the switch puts her through journalist Alexix Gillham who immediately spots a bit of a human interest story.

Being the true Murdoch professional that she is, Gillham checks the story out.  She discovers that:

1. The kid isn't getting kicked out of school
2. The school has a long established uniform policy which includes rules about jewelry
3. That policy is based on sound health and safety logic.  That's, HEALTH and SAFETY
4. The Parent and the kid both signed their acceptance of the policy on enrolment

Seeing the conflict (and even the human interest) draining from the story, Gillam goes back to the Mum in an attempt to bring the dying story back to life:  ..."teachers at the school had far more piercings than her daughter"  - avoiding the fact that everywhere in life there are (necessarily) different rules and different HEALTH and SAFETY concerns for kids and adults.

As for the pun headline, "Lobal warfare" - it's as p*ssweak as the story itself

For the record:  My daughter attends Pimlico.  We both think it's a great school.  She'd love to wear more jewlry too but, hey, we both signed the policy.